Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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