He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
