margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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