Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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