I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
