She said her name was "party"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
