On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
