life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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