I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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