I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
