dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
