im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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