my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You're like the curious george of whores
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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