Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
