i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
