I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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