I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
