I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
