Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
