you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize