JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
