Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
