i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
