Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
