you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
