Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize