please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
