Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
