Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
There are leaves in my underwear?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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