I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
