HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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