i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
