Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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