I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
