my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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