I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
