i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
