WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
