I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize