dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
MIDGETS
????
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
