worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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