i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
