laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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