I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
