is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize