dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
