Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just sent this text using only my big toe
two words: eviction party
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
