Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
