If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
