she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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