Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
