I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My penis needs a shock collar
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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