i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
