Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
