I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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