Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
