NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
someone owes me an orgasm
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
