he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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