DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Randomize
