i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
