Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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