I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
