Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
soo... how was my night?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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