Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
