Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
