Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
