I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize