my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
