so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think I died a long time ago.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize